It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
