I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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