I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
