I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
