I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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