honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
