mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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