And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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