bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
