You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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