Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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