my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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