you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
