she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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