I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
