She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
please come you make the beer taste better
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
