yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
