my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
