Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
