do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
