Duck Duck Cougar?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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