Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
