I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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