I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
