Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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