Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
