meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
