That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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