then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
