omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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