just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
