HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
