When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
