Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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