sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
