This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
