the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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