this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
