I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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