Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
