Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
