I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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