i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Someone stole a lamp last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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