Ambien. No doubt about it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
