I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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