Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
