I can tuck mytits in my pants
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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