She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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