then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
