I'm sorry my penis didn't work
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
