Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so let's talk penis.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
