It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize