I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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