all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
