My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
bring money and cleavage
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
