On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
