Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
