somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
