im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize