while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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