I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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