Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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