Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
