Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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