It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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