tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
